Make Out Buddies
First semester of college, my roommate gets a call. I was a naive 18 year old kid raised in the Christian bubble, finally away from mom and dad at the local Christian college. That phone call woke me up. Figuratively.
“Who was that?” I inquired.
“That was ________. Wanted to know if I would make out with her. Said she hadn’t done it in a while and wanted to.”
I could not believe it. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. Something about 3 other guys said no . . . wanted me to . . . I said ‘no thanks.’”
“You’re joking.” I was dumbfounded.
He wasn’t joking (or dumbfounded).
Believe it or not, this is a common occurence. Some call it “make-out buddies.” Some call it “friends with benefits” (although that sometimes refers to people who have casual sex). Whatever the name is, it happens, and by Christians too.
We’re not talking about people who are dating that make out (that’s a different post). We’re talking about people who sorta kinda maybe know each other, who end up passionately kissing and (sometimes) groping each other for a somewhat extensive period of time.
It’s no big deal to my generation really. It’s a “just for the heck of it” sort of thing. A friend of mine said recently “It’s just so common that it’s almost accepted as ‘OK.’”
Here are a few common justifications of it:
- It’s not sex.
- It’s not hurting anybody.
- The Bible doesn’t talk about it specifically.
- I’m not violating my conscience.
- I have natural needs that have to be met.
- It helps me know if I like someone.
Welcome, all, to the life of a Christian twentysomething.
Interestingly, I just posted something sent to me about a book that discusses how sex affects the brain and the negative impact it has in such situations as you described.
http://www.outpostx.net/2009/01/07/hooked/
Yeah, I was totally floored, too, when I found out how common something like this is. I was/am pretty naive, too. I can’t understand how there can’t be ANY feelings behind it or as a result of it. And, I believe it’s been like that for years, and it’s not a new thing for 20 somethings. I know some now-40 somethings that talk about how that kind of stuff went on in their 20s
Nice thoughts. The idea of purity is lost not only on your generation, but mine as well.
I know you well enough to know exactly why you posted just the limited amount of info you posted, and let me just say this.
That kind of thinking is what is contributing to the overall shallow level of Christian living in our age group. And being right there with you at that college and seeing what you saw, it’s so easy to get caught up into.
Jacob,
When I first had someone set me straight about this, I will admit, I felt like you did…
Someone messaged me with the shorthand of “friends with benefits” or FWB…I asked them how they knew the girl was Free Will Baptist!
I really did!
Welcome to the life of a young thinking 40-something who felt very, very OLD.
What sticks out to me the most is what you said is a reason – “I’m not violating my conscience.” That’s the problem. There is a hardened generation of twentysomethings out there whose conscience doesn’t care. For me, the very thought of doing something like that always made me feel wrong. I never did it and man am I glad. I just don’t connect the thought that people do this willingly.
D–thinking about 40-somethings I know making out is really gross.
Come on Jake. Why would 40-somethings be any grosser than 20-somethings? You’re showing your youth! Seriously, sin has no age limit.
sin has no age limit, but regardless 40 year olds making out is a gross image to be putting in my mind! lol
Well I had written a long 4 point comment, but then lost it. I will just say this.
1) This is not lost on teenagers either. And non-Christians do not stop at making out
2) Churches aren’t clear on this issue. As a kid, I grew up hearing “Don’t have sex.” There are a lot of details missing in that statement. Things have to start somewhere.
3) One time at Bible College, I was told that I was the name being passed around as somebody a guy could call for a “make-out session”…. one of the hardest things to hear. It was completely false, and probably hurt my testimony for people who didn’t know me.
The “line” is such a myth. The Bible says to “flee” from sexual immorality. The question is not “how far can I go?”. The question is are you fleeing from it or are you flirting with it?
In the wise words of Monty Python:
“Run away! Run away!”
I was the same exact way when I got to college. I just didn’t think that “things like that” went on. I don’t think I was sheltered. I guess I just expected people to be above that.
It is difficult because it did change the way I looked at MANY people. Still does whether that is right or wrong, I can’t help it. It made me question how they would view and interpret other things in relation to their spiritual walk.
It also makes me sad for them, because I believe that at the heart of it perhaps they were never told they were better than to give themselves away so freely to another person for such casual purposes. And I would have to believe that when it came time to talk with their spouse about it, it would have only created a situation of uneasiness and frustration, especially as you said, in our little circle, so many of us knew each other.